Stick It In Your Eye

Well, James and I are both having really busy weeks at work. He is closing a construction job. My boss is in town and I'm starting a clinical study. Between the two of us, it's been hectic to say the least.

Today was by far the worst for me. My clinical study was supposed to commence this morning, and we were supposed to be testing a new piece of ultrasound equipment that takes pictures of the inside of the eye. In order to use this equipment, you need to anesthetize the eye, put ultrasound gel INSIDE the eye, and use an ultrasound probe to capture images of different eye structures. It all sounds very simple, doesn't it?

As simple as it seemed, we decided to try testing the device yesterday in-house, using my boss as a test subject. Not yet being an ultrasound expert, I had picked up a few liters of "regular" ultrasound gel, which apparently causes my boss' eye to turn very red, swell, and sting like crazy. Don't ask me how I know. Regardless, I had to find ultrasound gel specifically intended for use in someone's eye. After a few hours of calling around, I was finally able to locate some of this special gel on the mainland, but it wouldn't be able to be delivered until tomorrow. But the testing was supposed to start today! We needed an alternative. After some brainstorming, someone suggested we try KY Jelly, and I was subsequently sent to the pharmacy to procure a tube of lube.

So, mid-morning on a Thursday, dressed in my finest work clothes, I headed over to the Family Planning section of the pharmacy and snagged a jumbo tube of KY. Seeing the "Keep Away From Eyes" warning on the package and recalling the earlier incident with the other gel, I thought it would be wise to consult an expert before inflaming my boss yet again. So, in a most professional fashion, I marched right up to the pharmacy counter, held up my jumbo tube of KY, and asked the pharmacist, "Do you think it would be ok if I put this in my eye?"

Almost instantly, I realized I should have rephrased my question. With a look of utter disgust, the pharmacist leaned back from the counter and said, "I won't guarantee that you won't get hurt, but if you're going to do it, make sure you use the kind without spermicide."